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“Separate But Equal Is Not Truly Equal,” Says Masculist Group

By Sam Starrett

August 10, 2011

Washington, D.C.–A group calling itself Men for Gender Equality is protesting what it calls “gender-based restroom segregation” in Washington elementary schools on civil rights grounds.

For all of their history, public schools in Washington and across the country have engaged in the practice of providing separate restrooms for boys and girls. But according to Men for Gender Equality spokesman Jim Douglas, separate restroom facilities for the two genders violate the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment. He may have a point. In the 1954 landmark Supreme Court case known as Brown v. Board of Education, the Court ruled that separate educational facilities for “white” and “Negro” children were inherently unequal because of their general denotation of inferiority on the part of the Black race.

Says Douglas, “The reason that you can’t segregate white and black children and have them still be equal is simple; historically, blacks were considered an inferior race. Well, in the area of bathrooms, boys are in the same situation.”

I asked him to clarify. “For as long as there have been boys’ and girls’ bathrooms, the girls’ bathrooms have consistently been prettier, cleaner, and better equipped than the boys’. This has been due to a general image of girls as precious princesses to be guarded like china dolls, while boys are encouraged to get injured, scraped up, bruised, and battered, and expected to fight and roll in the mud. This is nothing short of discrimination against men in the key formative years of their development. In fact, the way women always go to the bathroom together gives us strong reason to think that there may be even more to this inequality than previously thought.”

When asked to expound on that last statement, Douglas said “Well, you know, I don’t want to say anything too concrete, because I don’t really know, but some of our members think there might be some kind of wide-screen TV deal or maybe a shopping mall in there.”

Douglas’s proposed solution: “Well, as I explained, the problem is much the same as racial segregation in schools in the ‘50s. So the solution should be the same too. Gender integration in the restrooms.”

When asked about children who might not be comfortable sharing a bathroom with another child of the opposite sex, Douglas replied “This is 2011. I would hope we’d gotten past such primitive bigotry. Everyone’s equal, divergent anatomies aside.”

The demonstration was large enough to draw the attention of Washington, D.C.’s most famous resident, President Barack H. Obama. When asked about the gender segregation issue as relating to the Fourteenth Amendment, the President had this to say:

“Well, you know, I haven’t actually read the Fourteenth Amendment, or any part of the Constitution, for that matter. However, I did read the inside cover of an excellent, in-depth book on the subject called Shh! We’re Writing the Constitution, so I think I’m qualified to comment on this. It’s my opinion that any form of gender discrimination is wrong and not acceptable in a free and egalitarian modern society. I stand behind the protesters one hundred per cent.”

When asked if his Constitutional study might not have been a little bit light, the President had this to say: “I looked at the pictures too.”

I also spoke to Mark Louis, the man Douglas called the “reactionary” head of the group Familes for Traditional Morality, who is currently leading the group that stands in the way of reform. Says Louis, “The idea of ‘gender-integrated’ restrooms is nothing short of insanity. It violates all principles of decency and certainly anyone who calls himself a Christian should be horrified by the idea.”

Douglas rejoined “God and His morality have no place in American politics. Read the Second Amendment. Besides, I like Jesus too, but He doesn’t talk anywhere in the Gospels about bathrooms. Besides, He taught women right alongside men, so I think He’d support us.”

Protests in Washington are ongoing; Rambling Royalist News will have more as events warrant.